Honoring and Loving Yoursself Aint Easy Do It Anyways
Summary: During any time of crisis or in your daily life, it’s essential that you strive to be a better you by looking within and cultivating your best qualities.
One of the reasons this is true is that you’ve spent your entire life thinking that these kinds of activities are stupid. Why? Because you’ve constantly been told by society that having to work on yourself is some kind of joke.
It is because you feel weak that you don’t love yourself, and looking at yourself, and saying that, feels silly.
And you don’t love yourself because you have an ego that creates inferiority complexes and superiority complexes. So when you look in the mirror, the ego kicks in and either tells you that you’re too cool for improvement or not worthy of self-affirmation. And it’s a trap.
So if you feel any resistance to challenges of positive self-reflection or affirmation, what it really means is this very activity is essential for you. And you already know this, at some level, because if you really didn’t feel worthy of (or above) doing this, then you wouldn’t be listening to me.
This is important, because honing in on your positive qualities is vital for you to keep moving forward and taking the right action, especially in a crisis.
Here is a story to illustrate:
How I began to love myself.
I was given this exercise back in 1986. And back then I didn’t like it at all. I thought it was silly and stupid. How could it possibly work? I wanted to avoid it. And I avoided and avoided it. And then I was pressed by my therapist at the time, Why wasn’t I doing it? And I gave her all the reasons.
She said, “That’s not why you’re not doing it. You’re not doing it because you’re uncomfortable. Why are you uncomfortable?”
We went back and forth, and finally what we discovered was that I was so uncomfortable with myself that looking at myself in a real way blew me away. It was too powerful.
So I had to start off with something different. I had to start off with something smaller than trying to love myself, or trying to accept myself for who I am. I just started off with something even less.
For me, my initial confrontations and acceptance was, “I’m disappointed in myself. I’m not comfortable in my own skin. And I’m working to change that.” Because that was the truth. That was the first thing I could say. That was real. And I meant it and I liked it and I felt better.
If you want to stop being a phony and you don’t feel the way these affirmations are laid out, then you have to find an affirmation that is honest. I said something negative, but there was still an affirmation working. An affirmation of, “I’m going to work this out. I’m going to do the work to change this.”
So that’s your starting point. And if you’re listening to me and you’re digging me, then of course I’m digging you, because we’re cut from the same cloth. That’s where you need to start, my friends. We need to start with something more real.
The hope is, in a crisis, you’ll be anchored in the place of self-love and acceptance. You’ll be at least anchored in a place where you know you have work to do, and you will do it.
Reflection is a good place to start.
So, just what does it mean to reflect?
Reflecting is another way of questioning. Reflecting implies a stillness in engagement level. It’s very hard to reflect in a sea of noise, so there has to be calmness, and it’s really important to do that because that’s how we learn our most important lessons. It’s in times of questioning, contemplating, reflecting, thinking that we learn the best. It’s how we digest information, digest experiences. It’s what helps us digest the information needed to carry on our life in a peaceful, healthy way.
You must reflect and realize your positive qualities everyday.
If you’re not reflecting upon and seeing your positive qualities, then what will you be reflecting on and looking at — something else your mind will randomly plant itself onto, causing you to get caught up in that other thing and lose yourself to a serious distraction?
If that happens, you’ll be subject to being dependent upon that other person, place, or thing, and that creates a lot of problems. That’s addiction. That’s addiction within relationships. It’s an addiction within places and things, such as drugs and alcohol.
So the idea is that it’s important to keep your eyes on yourself to realize all your positive qualities. And that way you are entering into the world whole and full-spirited.
So, what does it mean to love yourself?
It means that, from head to toe, you are full of love and not full of bull. It means that you carry yourself and care for yourself in a world that no longer can do anything for you except the one thing that’s needed, which is allowing you to express your love. That’s it.
Now, you don’t know anybody that way, and I don’t know anybody that way. So let’s take a little time to talk about what it looks like if you don’t fully love yourself.
What it means to love yourself is that you are no longer in an abusive relationship, a relationship that eats away at your soul, that continues to deface your personality, that insults you, that damages you physically, emotionally, and intellectually. You’re not so desperate for love that you’re willing to take physical sexual verbal abuse from somebody. You’re able to love yourself enough that if you’re in a work environment and someone is miserable to you, if demands are too high, if it doesn’t fit with your ethics in your morals, you won’t just keep the job to keep a paycheck. You won’t do that.
Self-love means you won’t eat the wrong things that are bad for you; you eat the right things. You don’t consume drugs. You won’t surround yourself with people that are no good for you. So you have that kind of level of self-love, which is still very rare to see. It frees your life up. There’s no negativity because you love yourself enough to root out all the negativity, which for most of us right now sounds like, Oh my God, that would be Gandhi-like for me, that would be heroic. That would be great, and that’s something we can work towards, and that is something I can help you with. It’s doable.
We discussed how you can love yourself and rise above the negative space we tend to dwell in. Reflection is our #1 most valuable tool we have as a human being to help us grow to the best version of ourselves. It takes courage — but I believe in you!
For more information on being a better version of yourself during a crisis, check this out.
From all of us at the Emotional Survival Kit to you, remember this isn’t about surviving, it’s about thriving!
The Emotional Survival Kit is a FREE online training that will show you:
How to calm yourself when you are Freaking Out (or about to.)
How to talk to Children during a Crisis
How to deal with sickness and Loss.
How to be part of the Solution in a crisis.