Only You Can Do It but You Cant Do It Alone
Summary: When you understand you’re not alone, you’ll understand it’s a matter of creating relationships and making connections with, and you’ll never feel lonely again.
Here is a story that illustrates this.
I was working with a man who was an isolator, and he felt very disconnected from everyone an everything. I gave him an assignment to call a ton of people and give those people a ton of, how should I put it, a little foot in the ass to call him if he didn’t call them.
So what wound up happening?
He never picked up the phone, wouldn’t take his assignment, and thank goodness someone called. After he received a bunch of phone calls a year later, he was able to start to initiate the calling himself. That’s what it took.
And it wasn’t just the behavioral modification of someone calling. Why it took a year was because all the other things that made it difficult to call we have to work on.
I mean, why would it be hard to call someone and say I need help?
It’s because you don’t feel that you’re worthy of that. You feel that you’re bothering someone, and that comes from low self-esteem. So we worked on his self-esteem issues and his issues that made him feel unworthy, the stories he had to tell that he didn’t like talking about that led him to that conclusion that he wasn’t worth someone’s time, effort and energy.
So today he’s someone who belongs to all kinds of clubs and is all about and around town and has a great social life.
Just incredible changes. But it didn’t come from, “Oh, just call.”
It came from a network of others, helping in what was just a little spark in itself that allowed him to receive that help and then a whole lot of information and education that led to transformation, for him to be able to initiate calls.
And that’s what we really have to offer. It’s what not doing it alone means. He couldn’t have done it alone. He had to understand that the very people that were calling him were the very people that were an issues once before and that’s how it works. The hope is that you’ll feel connected, included, and supported, and you’ll be able to reach out for the help you need.
What does it mean not to be alone? It means that you understand your role in nature and the value of human life.
What does it mean to be in this together? Well, especially when there’s a crisis, it means that there’s a collaboration. People are coming together in your own house, in your own moments. You might feel alone, but the truth is there are millions and billions of people around you who are working to help solve the very problem.
What to do when you feel alone.
You may think you’re alone, especially during hard times, like with an alcoholic confronting their addiction or someone going through a divorce. But the difficulty you’re going through isn’t unique to you. There are hundreds of millions of people, unfortunately, that were alcoholics or have been divorced. And once you understand that there are other people who have been through this, you will know you have a large source for connection and help.
You have people who you can get information and education from in all the ways that others have used to work themselves through what you’re going through now. And just connecting with other people who’ve had the same experiences give you an emotional tailwind that pushes you forward.
You’re not alone when you understand that there are forces working with you. Nature gives you a tailwind. You become stronger, and you are then able with the help of others to lift yourself up.
Nothing’s done alone. You can’t do a single thing in this world alone.
When should you reach out and connect?
Always. You should always do that. If you’re reaching out all the time, you’ll never feel alone.
The whole idea is not to feel that way in the first place.
Because once you feel alone, it’s a trap. It makes it that much harder to reach out. Feeling alone will create a major gap between you and the rest of the world. And that gap has been called Hell on Earth, that space between you and every other part of the world. That means you’re disconnected from every part of the world.
So daily maintenance, contact, connection, working on relationships keeps you from going there. If you’re connected with everybody, you’re not depressed. If you’re depressed, that means there is no connection. If you’re anxious, there is disconnection. It means you’ve drifted off in your own little world where all that shit lives. And if you don’t want to live in that, you’ve got to be connected and understand you are not alone.
So if you have been feeling alone, you need to reach out.
And how do you reach out?
First, you have to use your intellect to take charge of your mind. Your mind and your erroneous beliefs are creating a distance between you and others, creating isolation and a sense of being disconnected from the world.
So once you confront those misperceptions, either about other people or your own worthiness of connection, it makes reaching out easier.
Because the actual act itself is pretty easy, right?
Everybody’s got a cellphone. So you pick up a phone, you call somebody, you look into someone’s eyes in the street. You say hello.
I mean, if you’re listening to this or reading this, it means that you are not completely alone. There’s no way you could be listening to or reading this and not have the resources to either make connections, reconnect, or learn how to connect.
Figuring out that you’re not alone is one thing – and it’s important – but taking action not to feel alone is crucial. Sure, there’s inner work you can do to help, and only you can do it. But you can’t do it alone, and you shouldn’t try to do it alone. Feeling alone is a warning sign that you need to reach out.
So taking and sharing a selfie after going three days without a shower may seem silly, but it’s not. If you’ll only connect when you look perfect and can put your best foot forward, you won’t be able to reach out for help and connection when you need it most.
By intentionally connecting when you don’t look your best, you’re practicing a skill that will become essential to your self growth.
Only you can do it, but you can’t do it alone. And you don’t have to.
The Emotional Survival Kit is a FREE online training that will show you:
How to calm yourself when you are Freaking Out (or about to.)
How to talk to Children during a Crisis
How to deal with sickness and Loss.
How to be part of the Solution in a crisis.